I’m’a tell ya’ll this right now… this was NOT on my “first-ever adventure” bingo card.  Apparently, “I’m looking for a magical artifact that grants immortality” in English translates to, “I’d like to marry your daughter” in Yetese.  And if I didn't go through with it, it was fox on the dinner menu.  But, that's what happens when you're someone who is suddenly thrust across the multiverse by a dormant, spiteful genie living in your hat, as per a wish you made nearly a decade ago to become a treasure hunter.  (Now, that's a sentence I bet you didn't expect to read today.)

 

But yeah, I was zero percent prepared for what was waiting for me.  That sneaky djinn made it so that my first wish wouldn't kick in until legal drinking age (21)!  Looking back, I guess that was for the best...

 

Okay... I should start at the beginning, shouldn't I?  By now, you're reading this like, "What the heck is this guy on?"

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Alright, my name's Chris.  Chris Corrigan.  But many know me by my nom de plume of, The Fox in the Fedora.  I'm a treasure hunter, and I come from an Earth much like your own, except populated by what humans might call, "animal people" (unless you're also someone from my own home Earth reading this, in which case, HELLO!)

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So, now that we've got THAT bit of important info outta the way (I'll give ya a minute to process that last paragraph), what's my deal exactly?  Well, It began one humid summer night, a long time ago.  Heck, it feels like another lifetime at this point.

 

My grandma Jean was a former treasure hunter who had raised me since my parents died in an accident.  I grew up on her farm, listening to her endless amounts of stories about all her quests and adventures, how she travelled across hundreds of worlds in a multiverse of endless possibilities, always looking for dangerous magical artifacts to safeguard from those who would use them for evil.  But at the conclusion of almost every story, she always said, "It's not about the artifact, it's about doing the right thing."  It must've struck something in my soul the same way it did her, because I wanted that life so badly.  Adventure, freedom, literally getting to visit hundreds upon thousands of worlds with different peoples and creatures!  It sounded amazing.  Scary, but amazing.  It was certainly better than having to go to school.  Ugh!  Don't get me started on how much I detested (and still detest) math class!  I can't even do simple addition in my head!

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Anyway, shortly after my twelfth birthday, I discovered that... her stories were true!  Not just bedtime stories to get me to shut up and go to sleep.  Turns out, as I not-so-discretely discovered, she had a secret cave underneath the farm house where we lived.  She was not happy with me finding it, let me tell you... but what's done is done, right?  The biggest discovery out of all this, though?  She had a for-real genie trapped in her fedora.  Yeah, like straight outta One Thousand and One Arabian Nights!  She warned me not to mess with it (or any magic for that matter), but did I listen?  Ha!  I'm a fox, we never listen.  We're right up there with felines.

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I stole the hat, summoned the genie by rubbing it, and wasted no time making my three wishes:

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1.  A chicken sandwich.  (What?  I had to test the genie's powers somehow.  Might as well start small.  Plus, I was hungry.)

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2.  I wished to become an adventurer just like my grandma; to be able to travel to other worlds in the multiverse in search of grand treasures and to help others.  One caveat, however...  I specifically stated that it had to be the genie who opened the portals to these other Earths/worlds.  I didn't want to be blasted with a power I didn't think I could control or one that might've backfired on me.  I thought I was soooooo smart wording it that way...

 

3.  I wished for the genie to never fall into the hands of another, even after I died.  I didn't want to risk accidentally losing it someone else.  Someone with bad intent.  It would forever be by my side (or, I guess... on top of my head) in that fedora.  Yeah, I don't think the genie liked that one very much.

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And so began my adventures... but at what cost?  Did I have to lose my grandma in that house fire that same night?  Was it one of my wishes, the magical price that resulted in her death?  I keep asking myself all these things.  I don't think I'll ever get an answer in this life.  The genie doesn't even know.  Not that the genie wants to talk to me.  Every time I summon it, it's just a plume of scary, roaring smoke (sorry, no singing genies here, I guess).

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Anyway, back to the story at hand.  The genie, without ANY warning, transported me from my Earth to another, populated completely by yetis (yes, the Asian equivalent to bigfoot on human worlds) on my twenty-first birthday.  I had no supplies, was not prepared AT ALL, but what can you expect from someone who was living on the streets at the time, stealing just to get by for... uh... hold on, let me count this...

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...NINE years!

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The only thing I did know about this place was what little my grandma had written about it in one of her many journals that had survived the fire.  These yeti knew of an elixir that, when consumed by anyone who was not a yeti, would be granted immortality.  Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about!  First dangerous magical treasure, here I come!

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The yeti, to my surprise, were a mostly peaceful bunch.  Sure, they had their warriors, their military, but they weren't "monsters" as one might expect.  Although, I will say, the introduction was less than great.  The yeti warriors weren't sure what to make of me, and thought I was some kind of monster (ironic) or spy.  This left me hanging upside down over a chasm while one yeti warrior held me by my ankles.  And I think some of them were making fun of the size of my feet compared to theirs.  Rude.

 

Luckily, I was able to get through to them... or so I thought.  As I said before, apparently certain English phrases or sounds translate to something wholly different in yeti speak.  This was a hard lesson going forward in my multiversal journeys.  To my fortune, most worlds I've come across seem to have a similar set of languages.  And English is one of them.  Phew.

 

I was then brought to their village where I met with their chief.  Before I could even figure out half the things going on (not to mention what they were saying), I found myself instantly betrothed to the chief's daughter, whose name was Labeti.  Or at least that's the word that kept coming up when they gestured to her.

 

Either way... Help...

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Lucky for me, things did work out before I had to put a ring on it.  During my stay, I stumbled across a plot by the chief's brother to usurp the throne before the wedding.  On top of exposing the chief's brother as a traitor, Labeti found a proper lover in another Yeti warrior (yes, the same one who dangled me over that cliff).  Turns out, he had been trying to win her affections for years.  Also, I'm pretty sure his name was Ugg.  He saved her life during the chief's brother's initial siege of the village.  It was love at first fight.

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As for the elixir?  Well... some things are best left where they are, and the Yeti tribe relies on that elixir to sustain themselves in the harsh, mountainous conditions they call home.  Doesn't give them immortality and I may be a thief, but... who am I to steal life itself?

 

I may have already stolen one as it is.